Week 6: Career Decisions for the Greater Good of the Family

Fasting to Feed the Spirit, Vital to Helping Others

Each time I fast and undergo an intensive cleanse, I never know what to expect. A small part of my human nature tightens with apprehension; it knows that the massive flood of spiritual insights is not far behind. Needless to say, my latest fasting adventure did not disappoint. Each time, I emerge more amazed at how the simple removal of food—a basic necessity for our survival—connects us with a nutrient even more basic to our very existence. Our spirit nature.

This fast unfolded in a surprisingly unique way than my fasts of the past. Previously, I would completely disconnect from the outside world, taking comfort in the solitude of my home. In turn, I learned how I used food, email, and over-scheduling to distract me from pursuing some desire deep in my heart. However, my cleanse over these past two weeks unveiled truths on a completely different level. Although I initially sought out guidance for continuing the Walk, I received the most loving direction for my personal life which, in turn, directly impacts the Walk a Week in Your Shoes campaign.

This cleansing quest stands out as the first time I’ve fasted while living with my family. I’ve always been alone before. Even when I did cleanses during the last two years that I’ve lived with my mom since returning to the States, I found a way to disconnect and retreat into my own little shell. This time, however, seclusion was not an option. I quickly realized the theme for this cleanse—connection, inclusion, sharing, family. On my first day, God sent me back to the beach where the Walk began. Whenever I am there, or near any body of water, I know that there is no barrier between God and me. I know that the information I receive is the truth and is of the utmost importance. No rationalizing allowed. No second guessing allowed. Whatever I receive, stands as is. Immediately, His probing questions and guiding messages began flooding my senses. He wasted no time asking me to shift my priorities yet again.

“If I were to ask you to stay in La Porte and establish a home and family of your own instead of walking the country, would you do it?” I conspicuously failed to answer the question immediately. Instead, I continued my back and forth walking meditation along the shore.

He probed again, “If I gave you everything that you need in a way that suits your wants, would you stay in La Porte and establish a home and a family of your own instead of walking the country?” A thousand thoughts and considerations rushed through my mind. None of them remotely resembled staying in La Porte, Texas. It’s a great, close-knit community on the bay no doubt. However, after living in Barcelona and finally experiencing such a walkable, open-air, diverse city with yet a small-town community feel, I just could not picture myself living long-term in the Houston area.

Suddenly, Spirit stopped me dead in my tracks. My body seemed to move beyond my conscious control. I began to see a picture forming in my mind’s eye. There sat my mother 10-15 years older, obviously moving much slower than she is now, almost looking like my late grandmother during the dusk of her years. Vitality had long since packed up and moved on to someone else much younger. I could see three young children running around her chair, engaging her in their little game. She participated as much as she could, but the kids didn’t seem to mind her lack of mobility. The pep of youth may have been absent, but the smile on her face was present with newly born joy.

I could feel God standing right next to me, pondering this picture in my mind with me. More gently this time, He whispered in my ear, “Your mother may have only 10 or 15 more years left on this earth, Sapphire. That may seem like a lot of time from your perspective given that you’ve already had 35 years with her. However, consider a different view. If it were possible for you to have children right now, in this moment, she would not get to see them graduate from high school. Your children would only have 10 or 15 years with their grandmother. Now, consider that you don’t know when you will have children. Will you deny your mother that joy? Will you deny your children the privilege of spending as much time with her as they can while they can?”

The scant tears that do form since I had my eye surgery raced for the hills of my cheekbones and slid down the valleys of my cheeks. An unknown clamp which stubbornness had placed around my heart released and was washed away by the gentle flow of tears. “God, come on, I don’t want to think about this,” I drawled as one of the last scenes from Field of Dreams where Joe says, “I think you better stay, Ray” quickly dashed across my mind.

His only reply to me was, “Will you stay in La Porte until your mother no longer needs you?” He repeated it only once before I even had a chance to answer, “Yes. Yes, I will stay.”

An Opportunity to Heal

Since completing that spirit walk with God last week, I have found myself being gentler with my mother, more loving, more caring. I wish I could say that I didn’t believe that I could be more loving, but that would not be the truth. After receiving that vision about her mortality, I feel myself taking a more grounded, steady interest in her health and well-being. Whereas before I would just say to myself, “Oh, she’ll be fine” and flit off to the next thing that I wanted to do, I am now staying connected. I find myself unplugging from my work earlier so that I could go buy groceries and cook dinner as she gets home from work. I must admit that this feels weird for me. I feel like the world will come to an end if I am not working sunup to sundown.

During my move from Barcelona back to the States, I lived with a friend in Barna for a couple of months while I finalized all the arrangements. He had a little girl about a year old at the time. I would be glued to my laptop and he would bring her into the room where I was working, plop her down in my lap, and say, “Let’s remind Sapphire of what’s important.” Of course, I knew what he meant, but I have to say that I didn’t get it until now. I didn’t absorb what he meant on a deep level. Quite frankly, I wouldn’t allow myself to absorb his meaning because I was so used to being alone and doing my own thing however I wanted to do it whenever I wanted to do it. Nevertheless, over the course of this fast in the absence of external distractions and in the pure presence of Spirit and family, I finally surrendered to that which lies buried deep in my heart.

I do want to change. I do want to pursue life a little differently than I have before. I do want to incorporate family matters more fully into my life rather than only being gung ho about work. I eschewed the erroneous belief that the presence of others—my family namely—was a distraction from fulfilling my life purpose. Until that vision forced me to surrender to the truth in my heart, I didn’t even realize that I held this belief. Then, my spirit floated a song into my conscious awareness to wrap my lesson up nicely for me: Tracy Chapman’s “For You.”

No words to say
No words to convey
This feeling inside I have for you

Deep in my heart
Safe from the guards
Of intellect and reason
Leaving me at a loss
For words to express my feelings

Deep in my heart
Deep in my heart
Look at me losing control
Thinking I had a hold
But with feelings this strong
I'm no longer the master
Of my emotions

For the first few days after receiving this wisdom, I felt nervous, shaky, and borderline terrified. It’s scary to completely surrender to everything in my heart which God illuminated for me. Some of the truths therein go beyond all human logic and rational belief. But, we are also spirit beings as well, governed by a different set of rules. Finally, I just turned my attention to the present moment and asked God what I could do to help my mom. “Your programs. Use your programs. I will show you what she needs specifically.” Oh, yeah… duh! I never thought to have my mother complete the personal transformation programs that I offer through my business. Not sure how that escaped me!

Continuing the Walk

Obviously, only God knows how long I will need to “stay until my mother no longer needs” me. That could be until April, June, or the year 2015. I am sure He will let me know when I need to know. Thus, in lieu of this information, He did give me guidance for continuing the Walk in another manner that would still realize our set goal of celebrating strong families while keeping me in close proximity to my mother. It remains to be seen when and if I return to the road. Stay tuned.

I have called a meeting with the Coalition’s Core Members to discuss the specifics of this new strategy. We will announce the new plan as soon as possible. Not matter how we continue, the Walk a Week in Your Shoes campaign still proves to be an exciting and uplifting undertaking that will spread hope, healing, and support to millions of families across the globe.

Share Your Story

I know that I am not the first person to make career decisions for the greater good of the family. I can imagine that countless men and women and thousands of moms and dads have decided to relocate the family or establish roots where they are because it was best for the family although the opposite choice may have seemed better for their careers.

I invite you to share how your family worked through these decisions and fared in the end. What were the issues and how did you resolve them?

Please share your story as a comment to this post on our official Sights ‘n Sounds Blog to offer real-world guidance to a family who may be struggling for solutions right now.

For love and family,