It’s been almost two months since I returned home. I am just now able to sit at my computer and write about the sum of my experiences walking in the shoes of the homeless and unemployed.

When I received the vision for the Walk a Week in Your Shoes campaign in 2009, I was a different person—spiritually wild and untamed, a spiritual adolescent. January 7, 2001, the first day of my now 10 years of sobriety, marked my spiritual rebirth. Motivated more by a need to stay sober than by my sincere desire to help others, I pursued a wide range of volunteer opportunities with the reckless abandon of a three-year-old child:

1.  coaching alcohol- and drug-addicted adults and teens through the recovery process;
2. serving on the Board of Directors for the National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence;
3. creating and teaching an afterschool creative writing/creative expression program for teens in an alternative school;
4. coordinating activities for children in a homeless shelter so their parents could have time to regroup at the end of the day;
5. serving as a judge for youth oratory contests;
6. serving as a drama coach for Native American youth interested in pursuing acting;
7. being a Big Sister with Big Brothers/Big Sisters of America; and
8. countless other assignments that I couldn’t complete because I was so over-scheduled.

My life was beginning again, unfolding for what seemed like the first time. Sobriety gave me a fresh start. I was like a toddler exploring a world of wonders and volunteering was my playground.  Through the whirl of interactions with a wide range of people from all socioeconomic backgrounds, I began to see life’s patterns and trends. I heard stories of abuse and neglect that made me thank God for not allowing the abuse I experienced to go that far. I witnessed poverty and challenging living conditions, which let me know that I was living a blessed life. I saw people hurting and unhappy—stuck in their past and held prisoner by an unwarranted sense of unworthiness. And 10 years later, as a result of these 29 weeks, I now feel the hurt and unhappiness unique to their plight.

Such a critical, necessary shift in professional perspective came at a personal price, however. I realized that my motivation to help others had changed. No longer driven by a need to stay sober, my preferred methods for giving sobered as well. I no longer desired to be the sacrificial lamb, the trailblazer, the most connected person in the community, superhuman. I wanted a quieter, more mellow, more subtle, less intense way to help. Mistakenly, I confused the desire for quieter—more mature, more strategic, more efficient—approach to my work with a desire for a quiet, completely uninvolved life. I didn’t realize that I was transitioning into spiritual adulthood.

Sitting in that small 8x12 transitional housing room, I started to resent the work I was doing—even though I still had a sincere desire to help and knew it would make a difference in the lives of millions of families. I wanted completely out of the game, even to the point of possibly folding International Freedom Coalition. Guilt filled every crevice of my being because I felt 100% certain that I was pursuing the work God called me to do. I just could not reconcile the emerging duality between the desire to embrace this new “human” self (with limits and parameters) while still being dedicated to following the well-known, unlimited spiritual self that has sustained and guided me over the last 10 years. I felt like I was betraying God, slapping him in the face. How could I feel like turning my back on God’s work after a decade of spiritual privilege and blessings? Many times, especially during the last months, I told God to keep it. “I cannot continue to work this way. I’m sorry. I can’t do it anymore. So, keep the spiritual privilege, the visions, the guidance, the advanced knowledge, the insider’s secrets because I can’t do your work anymore. This is too much for me. I don’t want to do it.” I could not hear God’s answer at the time. Gratefully, I can now.

God does not grant me spiritual privilege in exchange for service to his work. Spiritual privilege is his gift to me just as it is for anyone else who seeks him first. I mistakenly believed it was conditional—you serve me, Sapphire, and in exchange I will help you navigate life. No. Wrong. Just like any good parent, God loves and protects me unconditionally, whether I do his work or not. Understanding finally washed over me: I was never obligated to follow the calling. I consciously chose to allow God to develop my desire to help others. Somewhere, down the line, I lost sight of that. Resentment filled my being because I am not a person who thrives under a dictatorship.

This 29-week walk in the shoes of the homeless and unemployed was my opportunity to relearn how to walk spiritually with God. I ponder the comments people make about presidents after they have served their term(s) in office: “The presidency aged them,” they observe. Likewise, this experience “aged” me spiritually.

And this journey ends just as it began. At the end of Day One of the Walk, God placed a message on a billboard that read, “Life is the sum of all your choices.” As the Coalition moves forward with its documentary Human First: The New Face of Homelessness and other projects, I choose to pursue God’s work in a more mature, strategic, and efficient fashion. My spiritually wild days are over!

Opportunity to Celebrate

Obviously, we should all celebrate the roof over our heads and the nourishment we receive no matter how it is viewed by economic or social standards. Yet, how can you "celebrate" blessings if you are homeless, hungry, unemployed, and cannot provide for your family? How, as a citizen or community leader, have you honored the value in all individuals regardless of their economic status or living situation? I celebrate by giving praise to God for providing for my needs and then sharing that praise with others as I do with this blog.

Share your story on our official Sights n Sounds Blog.

Week 29

God certainly intended for me to leave the transitional housing room tonight. The surprise is I am going back to Houston for a vacation. Following God on this journey has kept me away from them for seven months. I have missed so much: my nephew's rookie season in Little League Baseball, his birthday yesterday, and his field day today.

My mother called me on two occasions today with news that she had extra money: first $100 then an unexpected check for $139. I kept telling God, "That's great, but that is not enough to move me out of here."

Shortly afterward, I broke down. "God, I have done everything you asked. Even when I didn't like it. I left my family to follow you. I haven't seen them in seven months, and you've made no provisions. I've walked this walk with no end in sight. What do you want from me?"

"Go home. Two week vacation," God interrupted.

So, I called my mom and had to look up flights for me. As God would have it, Southwest has a special $89 fare for a flight out tomorrow. I will move out tonight and stay with a friend. Then, it is off to the airport tomorrow.

This is a welcome and much needed break. When I return, I will see what the next steps are and what provisions will be made for me.

Sapphire Jule King

Week 29
I have received offers from friends to pay the $25 rent to stay in the room. However, as I have now gotten rid of the necessities to stay here (bed linens, towels, eating utensils, clothes, etc.), I have passed the point of no return. God instructed me to remove those things because he said it is time for me to move. I submitted my manuscript for a children's book series last week and thought that would prompt a move on May 23rd as God originally told me. Yet, with the elimination of necessities, running out of food, the sudden vision quest and now me sitting on the floor of the dressed in my suit-my only clothing-waiting, it seems that God is moving me sooner. However, it usually takes a couple of weeks to hear back from an agent and longer for the book to sell if the agent decides to represent you. I really have no idea what God is up to but I trust that the events over the past week have a purpose and that is to move me out, not keep me here. God, I am sitting here waiting on you. Sapphire

Week 29 At 11:58, God told me to get completely dressed at 12:00 noon. So here I sit in my suit, patent leather pumps, earrings, and necklace waiting on God to move me. God, I don't know when you plan to move me, how, or to where but I trust you. I have followed your directives as given since buying the plane ticket to come to this state 29 weeks ago. I will continue to follow you to the ends of the earth. I love you for choosing me to do your work and for guiding me so precisely. I feel truly blessed and spiritually privileged. Sapphire

Week 29 I have completed the 3-day vision quest and have emerged with a sense of elated peace and fortified faith. Upon awakening, God immediately put me to work cleaning the floors and surfaces I have touched to release my energy and bless the space for the next tenant. I packed up my toothbrush and toothpaste and threw out my bath and kitchen towels; the one bowl, fork, and knife I had; and the cleaning supplies. I have not eaten and have no food; I only had enough kale for the three days. Now, I am just waiting on God to make the next move. Given that He's had me to pack up everything and move it to the door and clean everything again, it would seem that I am moving out today. I certainly pray that is his plan. I feel like a new woman and am ready to move on to the next phase of my life and the next phase of the Bill of Rights for the Homeless movement.

God, I have done everything you asked of me. I am waiting on you. Sapphire

Week 28: Walking in the shoes of the homeless and unemployed My three-day quest ends today. I have 1/4 cup of detoxifing kale left to facilitate the fast. Then I have nothing left. No more food. No money. Nothing but the clothes on my back-the suit-literally. Everything else I have gotten rid of as God instructed. Sleeping on this floor is most unpleasant but necessary part of the quest to humble myself. I am grateful for all God has done to provide for me over there past 2 8 weeks. I am fervently praying that He has mercy on my very human soul and find it fit to move me tomorrow instead of the 23rd since I have followed his directions to clear out all assurances. Dear God, please see me where I lay. Please remember that I arrived at this place-in this current state-by following your lead. Please remember that I am human. I trust in your greater plan although I know nothing of how this will turn out. I trust that, in the end, all this has been for my greater good and the greater good of others who can be helped by the Bill of Rights for the Homeless. Your humble and dedicated servant to the end, Sapphire

Week 28: Walking in the shoes of the homeless and unemployed 12 days to move out After scrubbing the room from top to bottom on Monday, tossing out all bed linens, and packing my things, I camped out on the floor in a two and a half foot wide space. All I had was my favorite blankie from years ago (which God allowed me to keep) to lie on and two rolls of toilet paper for a pillow. Not very comfortable. I awoke yesterday morning with God whispering "time to vision quest" in my ear. Knowing how my last vision quest changed my life, I immediately went into a deep, active meditation to receive His guidance. "First, vision quest for three days starting today. You have already cleaned the space with loving intentions so no need for a sacred circle." In that moment I realized something profound had happened. While on my hands and knees scrubbing these floors, I asked God to bless the room for the next person. And I cleaned it thoroughly. As it happens, the "bed" I prepared for someone else is the one I had to lie in. Literally. I am not an avid bible reader, but I know that is in there. "Second, clean out what you have packed."

I thought I had gotten rid of all nonessentials already. Wrong. God had me throw out my clothes bought for the original Walk down to the socks, my leather jacket, my beloved scarf and gloves bought in London but now tainted with memories of the shelter, even my nephew's high school baseball socks. "He has moved on to bigger things. Do not hold him back by hanging on to that which represents his past just as I am guiding you to release ALL from your past." By the end of the day, I had cut up my maxed out credit card which still provided a few extra dollars each month after the bill was paid. God woke me up at 1:08 am to get rid of anything left in my possession connected with the shelter. Now, I am left with my black slacks, black patent leather pumps, black stretch tank top, and skinny black belt- all of which I must dispose once I leave because I had them at the shelter; my suit; my trench coat; dress boots and rain boots; a sweater my sister gave me but I never wore; two summer shirts; and my carry-on suit case and business tote that I came here with and must also dispose as soon as I leave. He even had me to check my email. There was a Facebook friend request from an ex from 14 years ago. "Delete. You cannot move forward with anything from your past- distant past and Rhode Island past. The name of this vision quest is: You Can't Take It With You. If you want what I have in store for you, if you want to enter into that new realm, do not hesitate to eliminate everything that I select for you. Do not hesitate. Clean it out now." As I type this now from my phone, I know that I must throw out the slacks, tank, and belt. All I will have to walk out of here wearing is my suit. I am getting lightheaded from the fasting. I will post an update when I can. I don't know what God has

Week 28 – Walking in the shoes of the homeless and unemployed

11:04am

When I awoke this morning, God immediately had me to pack the rest of my things. He instructed me to leave out a change of clothes; pack the rest. I tossed more clothes, too. Now, I am literally down to my suit, a pair of dress pants and jacket, a pair of casual pants, three summer shirts, three lightweight sweaters, three tank tops, my leather jacket, rain coat, Gortex shell jacket, a pair of dress boots, rain boots, patent leather pumps, flip-flops, and undergarments. Everything else is gone. Gone are the sneakers Mom sent that I bought in Mexico during that time of drama. Gone are my dressy/casual walking shoes which have carried me all over Newport and Providence. Basically, just about everything that I came here with at the start of this journey or that I acquired here to sustain me is gone—down to the hangers, cleaning and laundry supplies, my new bedding (egg crate, sheets, pillow, bedspread), and my new exfoliating bath gloves. Gone! It cannot go forward with me or rather I cannot move forward with it.

And the cleaning. After packing and tossing, God had me to clean the room from top to bottom. I cleaned out all cabinets including shelves, doors, and handles. I cleaned out the refrigerator which was simple since I only have one and half bags of frozen vegetables in there, a corner of salad dressing, and half a container of cream cheese. I scrubbed down the shelves in the room and in the bathroom. I performed my customary hand-scrubbing of the floor since I never had a spare $2 to buy a mop.

I felt like I suddenly walked into a Jason Bourne movie, and we had to wipe the place down. In that moment, God spoke to me: “In a sense, that is exactly what you are doing. You are cleaning the place of your energy. Leave no trace of “you” behind. It is to set the space for the next tenant, yes, but it is primarily to clean your energetic space to move on. If there is a trace left behind, you will see things manifesting in your life that will pull you back. I will not allow that to happen. Thus, I am instructing you as such. After you finish cleaning, pack up your laptop and monitor and go sign a 30-day vacate notice at the office. Be ready so that you don’t have to get ready.”

With that said, I should hop to it.

1:17pm

OMG. These people are unbelievable. A staff person saw me putting out all of my things in the lounge area. By the time I made it downstairs to the office, everyone else already knew.

“Sapphire, are you moving?” the front office manager asked.

“Sapphire, I need to speak with you,” the executive director beckoned with her finger curling for me to come her direction. “You will receive notice that your unit was randomly selected for inspection on May 16. You don’t have to be there. Just make sure that it is meticulously cleaned.”

I just stared her, not so much in disbelief, but still with an OMG attitude. “It’s already done and cleaned out,” I retorted, thinking honey, God is twelve steps ahead of you.

“Perfect.”

I signed the vacate notice and put May 23, 2011 as my move out like God instructed. How is my room suddenly randomly selected for inspection after being here for six months? The executive director hasn’t said as much as two words to me, but suddenly she’s the one who must give me notice about this surprise inspection. I do not understand why none of these people who I have dealt with since entering this situation on October 29, 2010 can let me be in peace.

Anyway, this is why I follow God’s directives to the letter without hesitation. I didn’t know why He told me to scrub the place down this morning, but He knew. He knew what reaction I would face once they found out that I would be moving. He does not want me bowing down to anyone but Him. He will never put me in a situation where someone else has ultimate authority over me. Only He reigns as my ruler. The room is meticulously clean not because she told me to but because God instructed me to.

I am very grateful that I have had a place to sleep throughout this 28-week journey. But I would be remiss if I did not express the profound joy I feel knowing that I finally be out of there and completely separated from these people. All of their actions that I cannot understand are precisely why the Bill of Rights for the Homeless must be passed. I will continue to follow God as He leads me on the movement to ensure that happens.

Opportunity to Celebrate

Obviously, we should all celebrate the roof over our heads and the nourishment we receive no matter how it is viewed by economic or social standards. Yet, how can you "celebrate" blessings if you are homeless, hungry, unemployed, and cannot provide for your family? How, as a citizen or community leader, have you honored the value in all individuals regardless of their economic status or living situation? I celebrate by giving praise to God for providing for my needs and then sharing that praise with others as I do with this blog.

Share your story on our official Sights n Sounds Blog.

 

Week 28: Walking in the shoes of the homeless and unemployed

Well, this is it. God told me on April 26 that I was moving out of this 8’ x 12’ transitional housing room on May 23rd. The happenings of the days that followed confirmed that message.

On Monday May 2nd, I found out that my food stamp allotment had run out on April 30 and that they’ve closed my account. I had absolutely nothing in my space-saver refrigerator, and my empty stomach was growling at me. “God, what am I going to do now?”

“Take one more leap of faith with me, Sapphire.”

A tingling sensation floated throughout my being like sparkling fairy dust. “Okay. I can do that. Just tell me what to do. What’s the plan?”

“Do not reapply for food stamps. Cut up the card. Then, take the trash bag out of your room. From this moment on, you are done. You are out. You cannot take any remnants of your time here forward with you.”

“And how am I to eat?”

“Fast. Fast until I make other provisions. You will never feel hunger or lack. I need you to fast in order to be completely pure to receive my directions for moving out. I need you to be extremely close to me during this transition. I need to be able to flow through you without any impediments. Can you do that for me?”

“Yessir, I can.”

                The next day, I learned that I will receive an eviction notice on May 17^th because I have no money to pay the $25 rent for this transitional housing room. God’s response? “When you move, they will take May’s rent out of your deposit. Do not accept the remainder of the deposit. Leave it there and instruct them to use it to pay towards someone else’s rent. You cannot take any remnants of your time here forward with you.”

Throughout the remaining days of this past week, I have not felt hunger although I have sustained myself on only 2-3 cups of vegetables and a gallon of water per day. Yet, the greatest confirmation came yesterday at the Annual Breakfast for the NAACP Providence Branch. In attendance was one of the staff members from the Providence shelter who treated me as if I had no value and no worth as a person. Instead of helping me as she was hired to do, she tried to play God. She tried to “put me in my place.” Her dismissive and condescending actions, demeanor, and tone of voice said, “You are homeless now, so you better take whatever I throw your way.” I don’t think so, and I told her as much. Yesterday, God showed her exactly what I was talking about.

She had to watch as I took the stage with the other Executive Committee members and was publicly sworn-in. She had to watch as I was congratulated by the elected officials in attendance. She had to sit and listen to me as I took the stage again as Chair of the Membership Committee and speak to the audience about our vision for growing the Association. No other member of the Branch addressed the audience but the president and me. I stood in the back of the room throughout the celebration where she sat just two tables away. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her just staring at me. I can only guess at what she was thinking. But I certainly know what I was thinking. “I told you. I told you who I was, the truth about who I was and how I came to be in this situation—following God. I told you. And now you see. You tried to use your position to hold me down, to hold me back, to diminish my light. But you couldn’t. You cannot douse this fire that God put within me. As long as I follow Him and keep my faith in Him above all else, that flame will burn bright.” Yesterday, it did.

I must admit that later in the afternoon various emotions snaked out from the pit of my stomach. I felt vindicated after all that I have experienced throughout this 28-week, 192-day, twisted journey. Then, I felt sad because it’s a sensation that many people experiencing homelessness may never feel if they surrender to the psychological master-slave treatment and just accept being relegated to the system for the rest of their lives. Then, gratitude swelled within to the point of spilling out through my eyes and leaping out in audible gasps as I tried to breathe through the tears.

But for God, I wouldn’t have made it this far. If God had not given me the strength and provided me with family and true friends to offer support and encouragement during my lowest moments, I would not have made it. I would not have made it through to see this other side. I could have gotten lost in the dreariness and hopelessness of it all as so many others do. But, I did not. God brought me to it, and He brought me through it. He kept his promise. He never left me as long as I never left Him. He sent me to Rhode Island to find the need and fill it. In order to discover the need for a Bill of Rights for the Homeless, I had to live it authentically. And because I have landed on solid ground after taking this huge leap of faith, I am absolutely, 100% certain that there is nothing I cannot overcome or achieve with God. I don’t know what will happen on May 23^rd, but I certainly have no fear, no worries.

Opportunity to Celebrate

Obviously, we should all celebrate the roof over our heads and the nourishment we receive no matter how it is viewed by economic or social standards. Yet, how can you "celebrate" blessings if you are homeless, hungry, unemployed, and cannot provide for your family? How, as a citizen or community leader, have you honored the value in all individuals regardless of their economic status or living situation? I celebrate by giving praise to God for providing for my needs and then sharing that praise with others as I do with this blog.

Share your story on our official Sights n Sounds Blog.

Week 26: Walking in  the shoes of the homeless and unemployed

It has been months since I have last written in my journal. For the past week, I have written a couple of notes in a hard cover journal but the written thoughts have been quiet. I understand why—God has moved my station and I just needed to be present in that. He just stopped my yoga routine and told me to finish it through writing:

“Sapphire, your journey of suffering is complete. You will be moving out of the transitional room in May – May 23rd to be exact. Please apply for the Leadership and Advocacy Training this weekend. I have had to keep you in these living conditions for you to learn many great truths about yourself and to open doors that might otherwise be closed to you. You know why I am moving you now, don’t you? Because this morning—and yesterday was the first day— but really this morning I saw it in your heart and in your eyes and in the glow of your spirit. I am moving you because you have finally found YOUR HOME.

It is not a place. It IS where the heart is as everyone says. It IS where I am as everyone has been saying. But those words don’t make sense for you. But now knowing the truth, it does, doesn’t it? YOUR HOME IS YOUR TRUTH. Period. When you are fully living in your truth—in the full light of it, in the splendor of your gifts, in the uncompromising nature of your personal being and your spiritual being—you are standing in your home. You have finally ACCEPTED that you ARE an author and a screenwriter. That has been your dream long before you realized it. But, in high school and college, people attacked your work when you were just starting to realize that writing was your love. Don’t you realize that people will always attack your truest and greatest gifts? When they do, and when you stand firm, that is when you have reached home. You are home. You have finally found your home, what home authentically means for you. You have affirmed that home. You have stood up for that home. You have protected your home through me rather than by your own hand and your own will. That is why I will now move you.

And you will move, just as Dr. Cindy said at the revival—from homeless to a mansion with no mortgage. Top floor remember, no one above you, view of the ocean. It is done and arranged. I love you. Write until 6:45am. It is all taken care of. I love you and I am so proud of you.”

Opportunity to Celebrate

Obviously, we should all celebrate the roof over our heads and the nourishment we receive no matter how it is viewed by economic or social standards. Yet, how can you "celebrate" blessings if you are homeless, hungry, unemployed, and cannot provide for your family? How, as a citizen or community leader, have you honored the value in all individuals regardless of their economic status or living situation? I celebrate by giving praise to God for providing for my needs and then sharing that praise with others as I do with this blog.

Share your story on our official Sights n Sounds Blog.